The Spice of Life

Back to School

2008-09-01T18:06:00.000-07:00

Another school year has begun, well began...3 weeks ago. I must admit, I have not really taken in a normal start of year. My first year was understandably crazy, and last year I had all of 40 kids in my room at all times, which made for utter insanity, and this year we are doing wedding, wedding, wedding. It just makes me laugh. The thought, "What will next year bring?" echoes through the recesses of my crayola brain.

However, that being said, I have learned a few things these past few weeks. I have a student who is unlike any other student I have had. This student is undeniably brilliant, and yet unmistakeably unmotivated. I had been warned...told all about this student and told that they would not accomplish anything, and subsequently, not amount to much in my room. Yet, this is not the case. An iPod, a toad, and lots of "brain breaks" later, this student is starting to see their worth, and their God given ability. I am so thankful for the blessings my job brings.

Everyday I get the pleasure to see the widening of eyes when connections are made, and get the privileged of hearing the laughter that resounds through the hallways after we dance, and sing, and God-forbid, learn. Although it is one of the hardest jobs I can possibly imagine, I feel so lucky!

Pack Pride...go Coyotes!!

A daily prayer

2008-06-03T22:25:00.000-07:00

I was challenged by my spiritual director to pray this daily. For You, my God, I will.

My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean
that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.

Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

T-I-double RED Tired red!

2008-06-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

I know it doesn't make sense, but now you know how very tired I am. My neighbors like beer.

Whelp, official first day of summer devotion to Jesus Christ, more fully and completely than school year devotion. Ha! I feel like today was highly productive...got a lot done, and feel like I am really taking some huge steps forward into figuring out the hows and the whys of all of this crazy anxiety.

I was fortunate enough to meet with my spiritual director today. His wisdom always grounds me, and helps me to refind my peace. He talked about three things today...the three things that make up the human psyche: superficial, psychological, and the spiritual. We talked about all three of these things and their general significance to my life. The superficial being the wedding stresses. Flowers, cake, food, dress...in the grand scheme, fleeting. We then discussed what lies underneath those, my anxiety, my need to be in control, my desire for perfection as being on the psychological level. Finally, we came to the spiritual. My direct connection with He who made me...this is not a feeling, this is a knowing, deep within. We talked about how all of these things are important, and how they all deserve attention as they tend to be cyclical. Yet, only one of the three is truly constant. One of the three is where we need turn when nothing else makes sense. Yes, that one of the three is always constant for me, and that is so hopeful. Eternally hopeful, really, as I reasoned it out today. I thought..."But how do I know that God is right?" Then I giggled.

In Mass today, a few things struck me. One, the lord seems to be using His written word as His vessel for communication. I love that! I love it because it is so concrete, and often times, as Catholics, we do not delve into the Word as we should. I love that He is showing me so much in and through it. In the reading from Second Peter 3 it states:

"...be eager to be found without spot or blemish before Him, at peace."

I love this verse, as it states that we should not only be actively seeking all that is good and True, full of virtue, but in that we will find peace. However, we need to be eager for peace, thus, we need to actively seek it. It is not just found, but sought. What a concept...we are active in the the Peace that Christ alone can give. makes sense, as we are active in all else he has bestowed on us here...but wow.

"...be on your guard not to be led into error of the unprincipled and to fall from your own stability.

But grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord..."

I find myself constantly facing temptations of this world, and so easily falling into the trap that the way of the world will be easier, better for me. Yet, I recognize that in this I fall from all that I hold to be stable. My solid ground...Christ (and Eric). Both my rocks in this world, and when I stumble and find myself being led into disfavor, by my own choosing (as we are, were, and always will be free), I lose my footing. I fall into the trap of anxiousness, of doubt, of temptation. Yet, through grace, and knowledge, I will persevere.

Score: God, 1 Me, 0

2008-06-03T09:33:00.000-07:00

So last night I was reading my bible, hoping for some guidance. Another fairly anxiety ridden evening, with lots of doubts and uncertainties. I began to ponder about instincts. How much do our instincts affect our daily lives? How right is our intuition? How often should we follow it, if at all?

I ask these questions because my intuition is often times conflicting. There are times when it screams, "Do it!!" and then within a matter of minutes it condemns, questioning my sanity. How does one follow that nonsense?

In my biblical concordance I found nothing on instinct or intuition, which probably tells me something right there. Yet, I was drawn to a little section on commitment. Scouring all the way back to Deuteronomy, I was reading all about the commitment made by husbands to their wives, and the purposes of vows. It was fascinating, as this was not where I had originally intended to find myself, nor did I think that intuition would lead to a mental diatribe on promises. But, it did. I read on...in many books, and found myself in Mark. The last listing for verses on commitment came from the Gospel of Mark. I read the following:

34Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 35For whoever wants to save his life[c] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it."

Yeah, this verse has been a recurring theme in my marital discernment process. It is funny how certain texts seem to set their sights for you and pop up everywhere you go.

It was a crazy day, full of anxiety, and I was at Mass. This was the reading of that day...and I remember thinking to myself, "This is it! This is marriage!" Yes, marriage is the complete and total giving of one's life in order to find holiness and ultimately, Heaven. It has since then been a verse I think about constantly in my attempts to understand the mystery of the vocation.

I find it funny that in my times of doubt last night, the Lord pointed me to commitment. Commitment to Him, and to the life he called Christians to live. It is a crazy life, a hard life, but a beautiful life...if one truly resolves to live it.

I am working on it.

Wise words...from an expert

2008-06-02T22:40:00.000-07:00

Dr. Peter Kreft says the following:

Five general principles of discernment of God's will that apply to all questions about it, and therefore to our question too, are the following:

Always begin with data, with what we know for sure. Judge the unknown by the known, the uncertain by the certain. Adam and Eve neglected that principle in Eden and ignored God's clear command and warning for the devil's promised pig in a poke.
Let your heart educate your mind. Let your love of God educate your reason in discerning his will. Jesus teaches this principle in John 7:17 to the Pharisees. (Would that certain Scripture scholars today would heed it!) They were asking how they could interpret his words, and he gave them the first principle of hermeneutics (the science of interpretation): "If your will were to do the will of my Father, you would understand my teaching." The saints understand the Bible better than the theologians, because they understand its primary author, God, by loving him with their whole heart and their whole mind.
Have a soft heart but a hard head. We should be "wise as serpents and harmless as doves," sharp as a fox in thought but loyal as a dog in will and deed. Soft-heartedness does not excuse soft-headedness, and hard-headedness does not excuse hard-heartedness. In our hearts we should be "bleeding-heart liberals" and in our heads "stuck-in-the-mud conservatives."
All God's signs should line up, by a kind of trigonometry. There are at least seven such signs: (1) Scripture, (2) church teaching, (3) human reason (which God created), (4) the appropriate situation, or circumstances (which he controls by his providence), (5) conscience, our innate sense of right and wrong, (6) our individual personal bent or desire or instincts, and (7) prayer. Test your choice by holding it up before God's face. If one of these seven voices says no, don't do it. If none say no, do it.
Look for the fruits of the spirit, especially the first three: love, joy, and peace. If we are angry and anxious and worried, loveless and joyless and peaceless, we have no right to say we are sure of being securely in God's will. Discernment itself should not be a stiff, brittle, anxious thing, but—since it too is part of God's will for our lives—loving and joyful and peace-filled, more like a game than a war, more like writing love letters than taking final exams.

An INspiration

2008-06-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

So...it hit me today. In order to be totally free, I must give everything to God. Not that this has not occurred to me before. Of course it has, and has probably occurred to me daily for quite sometime. However, I recognize now what that means in light of accountability, and therein lies the difference.

I love to write- always have. It is a passion, and thus, with the onset of summer and subsequently, the onset of time, I have decided to take this love and turn it into my accountability for my full and true abandonment. I am here by giving everything to God, my Lord and savior. He is my life, and it is about time that He receive my all.

In the past I have said these words. Many times. Yet, it only lasts for as long as it works for ME and then, it becomes fleeting. My goal is to faithfully account for my journeys with my abandonment to the Lord and the discernment in my life while remaining accountable to this blog daily. My goal is to be open, and honest about my discernment, in the hopes that the Lord will guide me to lasting peace and happiness. I know that in my full abandonment, the Lord will provide.

I simply must commit. (One of my few vices...haha)

Here is my plan:

Knowing that the summer affords much more time for me, I plan to attend daily mass and pray and reflect on that daily. I plan on trying to shelf my anxieties, and reencounter my optimism. I plan to be as faithful as I can, knowing that if I love God first and foremost, all else will follow.

Wish me luck!

Blessings

2008-03-07T17:12:00.000-08:00

It is so funny how cathartic writing can be. I have always found this to be true. Yet, writing takes time and time is of the essence lately. I find myself able to write this evening, and it feels good. Life has certainly taken some ups and downs since my last entry, but my overall feeling of blessedness has certainly not changed.

He showers me with blessings daily:

My engagement and the surrender that He calls me to in and through it.

My awesome friends and their constant reminder of what is Good and True.

My incredible family...whose Love is always empowering me to be great.

I am thankful for these things and from the blessings I recognize in and through them, I want to write. I want to praise...and I want to sing to the glory of He who makes all things new.

A Day in Disney

2008-03-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

To renew the child that lies within us all is a noble goal. And for some of us, that renewal is more of a reinvigoration, as I am the eternal 10-year-old. This is evidenced by the fact that I have been to Disneyland not once, but twice in the last month and a half.

Oh yes, some, at age 25 jaunt off to Vegas for a long weekend, or head towards the nearest spa. However, I seem to gravitate towards flying plastic elephants and boats swarmed by animatronics.

I can't say we haven't always known of my predicament. I just happen to have a thing for mice in white gloves. Yet, I have to give it to the people in my life who love me in spite of myself. Those are the people who put up with ten dollars to park and Space Mountain lines- the people who make it possible for the year of a million dreams to come so very true. So to you, Jill McCutchan and Eric Lanier I offer my humble thanks. If not for you, I might have been normal but thanks to your uncanny ability to allow me to forever be 10, I can enjoy Disney not once, but twice!

Call it a curse- but All Day I Dream About Disney.

Thanks for the Laughs...

2007-12-03T17:18:00.000-08:00

I love this pic!!

Back to School

2007-08-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

It's time...

You say it's your birthday!

2007-08-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today is a very special day. On August 20th 19__, a woman was born with vision and grace, love and fortitude, passion and style. Her name: Mom.

Indeed, my mother was born 32 some-odd years ago today, and for that, I cannot express my thankfulness. She has caused me to be who I am and called me to my best. She is a hero, and a fighter...and truly walks the walk when others simply talk it up.

I have to say that there is no one else on this Earth that I would rather glean insight from, discover laughter with, or sail to new heights beside.

I love you mom, and I am so beyond joyful to be yours.

You inspire me- and so many others. Keep changing the world!

Sleep tight.

Yay, I don't have to pay.

So smart.

Mmmmm crab cakes.

Please, no more.

Might I suggest an...Eric

2007-08-20T20:07:00.001-07:00

If you do not have one of these, I must tell you...I pity you.

You see, with an Eric, all things are possible.
Even in your greatest moments of doubt.
With an Eric, you are capable of seeing things differently, more clearly.
An Eric will challenge you to do things that you may not have otherwise thought possible.
He will put you on the spot, and hold you up.
He will shower you with kindness, in thoughts and deeds.
An Eric is the epitome of wonderful.

He will show up at your classroom and bring you dinner when you are just about at your wits end.
He will help you to clarify the things most pressing, and help you to accomplish them efficiently.
He will hold you when you when you need to be held and kiss you on the forehead to let you know that "It will be okay."
He will draw silly faces on the wanted board, in order to make you smile.
An Eric is the epitome of amazing.

An Eric allows himself to serve in the most selfless of ways.
An Eric lets you know daily how much you are loved both in his eyes and in the eyes of the Lord.
With an Eric, you strive to be better, even in the face of doubt and anxiety.
He is the perfect partner, and the perfect end to a long day.
An Eric is the epitome of happiness.

An Eric will dazzle you with his ability to be patient.
An Eric understands you, even when you may not.
He is a man of ever-growing virtue, and boyish charm.
An Eric knows the meaning of true sacrifice, and strives to live it daily.
An Eric is the epitome of inspiration.

An Eric steps up to the plate, and takes on every challenge.
An Eric makes you giggle and your inadequacies don't seem so bad.
He will sit with you while you nurse your wounds of all kinds.
And will not laugh at you when you attempt the stairs as an 80 year-old woman.
An Eric is the epitome of joy.

Oh this, and so much more do encompass an Eric,
Because he simply is the epit-o-me.

And I think it goes without saying; everyone needs an Eric.

Pictures of Trust

2007-08-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

I had dinner with a friend tonight. Not just a friend, someone with whom your soul just connects; with whom you feel better about the path you have been chosen to tread. She told me a story, and now I will tell you.

Last year, she met a woman named Sister Jean. A woman who received a call from the Lord, and said "Yes." That 'yes' has resounded throughout the whole of her life. Imaging Our Mother, her assurance and ability to Trust in God's ultimate plan lead her to leave the comfortable life of her suburban convent and move to the inner-city streets of Minneapolis. There she lead a life of love. Her goal was simply to befriend and image Christ to all she met. She had no income, no plan, nothing...but the Lord. And God alone, she knew, would suffice.

He did. She had progressed in her ministry, so much so that she was able to open a housing project for the underprivileged families in her area and had also inspired other consecrated women to join in her mission. Yet, the new community lacked access to a washing machine. So- although it was lavish, she opted to purchase a machine for her new home. Yet, as she did not work, nor did any of the other sisters, they were unable to purchase it. They decided to have a garage sale, and see if they could raise the funds. The sisters sold enough of their wares to purchase the washer and began to page through the Sear's catalog. However, the space in which they had to place the machine was smaller than most all the machines that were made. Thus, they could only find one machine that would fit. Sister held the phone in her hands, and called the number to order the machine, when the Lord told her to wait. Exasperated, she obediently smiled and said "I'll give You until I finish my soup." The phone rang- it was a friend of Sister Jean's who just happened to be giving away an 18" washing machine. That is when I smiled.

It gets better...

At that point, she said to the Lord, "Thank You, thank You...I should never have doubted. I promise to say 'yes' to anything that is asked of me today in honor of You." At Mass she was asked to accompany a couple of women on a planned pilgrimage to Europe...it was a good question to say "yes" to and she did. Yet again, she had no money. She knew the Lord would provide. She was asked to speak at a couple of parishes where they took up a collection for her mission. Yet, she knew that money was not for her own use. So, she waited. Time went by quickly, and her departure grew nearer as did her birthday. A friend called and wanted to throw her a large birthday party. Sister agreed, but asked that instead of lavishness, she would love some help to go on her pilgrimage. All the attendees obliged, and Sr. Jean graciously accepted the charity of her friends. She promptly went home and placed her funds beneath the rug, not in the dresser where the mission funds were stored (as anyone would do:-)). She let it be, and never counted nor gave it a second look until the bill for the trip arrived. She opened the bill, removed her money from its woven security and began to count. To the penny, she had the exact amount of the bill.

Trust.

For-eh-ver!

2007-08-15T21:43:00.001-07:00

Everybody gets one chance to do something great. Most people never take the chance, either because they're too scared, or they don't recognize it when it spits on their shoes. Heroes get remembered, but legends never die.

Follow your heart, kid, and you'll never go wrong.

Tonight, you arrested my mind. Belief.

2007-08-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

"You have this incredible yearning for the knowledge that only God can provide. You constantly seek the Truth, and when you cannot find it, or it seems lost, you look harder. Your diligence is in His plan will serve you so well!

Through the knowledge that you seek, you represent the beauty of His Church and the fullness of His Truth. That is such an amazing gift."

Casa Bonita, Casa Bonita, food and fun in a festive atmosphere!

2007-08-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

I have been called crazy. I will admirably accept this call because I will affirm the greatness of the house called beautiful until the day I die.

A few website excerpts for the Casa enthusiast (click HERE to see for yourself):
With over 52,000 square feet and seating for 1,100 guests, Casa Bonita is the perfect place to hold a group event or birthday party . Complete your exciting dining experience with puppet shows, arcade games and a visit to El Mercado, Casa Bonita's Giftshop.
Can you say "rehearsal dinner??"

Casa Bonita has been the funnest AND tastiest place to eat in Denver for nearly thirty years.
Complete with grammatical errors to boot! You are the MOST fun, Casa Bonita, you are!

Really...I love this place and have found myself having to defend the honor of Casa Bonita on more than one occasion. I find it hard to believe that there are those out there who could leave a place like the Casa and not feel little better about the world. Maybe it's the fake palm trees, or the blaring mariachi, perhaps the smell of Black Bart's Cave or the overpriced caricatures- be it what it may, the world is a better place because of you, Casa Bonita. I mean really, what else towers in such pink grandeur over Colfax Avenue? And to you naysayers, I simply say:

(Is it in their food?) Oh no, you'll be deceived
(Is it in their flags?) Oh no, they'll make believe
If you wanna know why I love it so, it's in their escaped gorilla suited high-school kids running from overplayed actors dressed-up as cowboys and royalty who make the food taste better when the over-chlorinated water soaks it while it gets cold waiting to be seated in the cabana-themed table that has "just the right view."
(That's why it is) Oh yeah.

**Author's note: In my vast research for this posting, I have discovered that the a famed Casa Bonita South Park episode (that I have never even seen, but have heard so very much about) aired on my birthday. Coincidence? I think not.

Thank you, Governor Ritter

2007-08-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

This evening I could not find a seat in Mass.

It was standing room only, and so I stood. What a joy it was to witness the people of Denver coming together in communion to break open the Word and bask in the Glory of our Lord. Families of all ages tended to their children, young people genuflected before the Holy Tabernacle, teenagers raised their voices in song chorusing the Heavenly angels, and the elderly lifted their eyes to the sky- in viewing this varied congregation, I found myself so thankful. Thankful that you sent this Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church and thankful that you have charged us to reveal her Glory.

I continued to survey the crowd: mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, all walks and colors...and there I saw the Ritter family, out of the corner of my eye. Praising Him together in glory, and laughing together in love. I saw the man who has been elected to govern this state. A man who, with his family, respects life, respects all human dignity and respects the Holy Catholic Church. Of course, he is not perfect, but neither am I nor anyone else I know. So, I am thankful Lord, that we have such an honorable man and such an honorable family standing before the people of Colorado, helping to lead and guide.

Thank you, Governor Ritter for saying "Yes!" to the call!

Bella

2007-08-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

I had forgotten the release of a poem,
The beauty of that release- the pull of words.
I had forgotten the beauty of me,
Until I read the Beauty of You.

I LIKE BIG BIBLES

2007-08-11T08:19:00.001-07:00

I don't care what you believe, this is hysterical! Make me so holy!

Pray for us...

2007-08-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

Fear Not the Unknown

2007-08-08T20:06:00.000-07:00

As I read the very lofty title in the URL bar that sits just at the tip of my peripheral vision, I am awed. How can we not fear what is unknown? How can we possibly find ourselves in a place of peace?

I often find myself wondering about those in this world with nothing to believe in. To live an existence without some sort of light in the darkness must cause an ache that rings throughout the whole of one's life. Unquenchable. The mere thought of having nothing to hope for, nothing outside of this world, outside of our own existence helps to define misery. I can think of no better word. Suffering is simply inadequate because without suffering we know not the quiet of Heavenly Peace. Sorrow isn't applicable, because without the pains of suffering we would not know pure joy. But misery...misery.

I have to admit, the unknown terrifies me. But I think it ironic that although the unknown implies that I am clueless, it does not call me to a place of darkness. I do know some things. I do know that it is only in the unknown that we find what we truly know. It is in the purely irrational that Truth lies. It makes no sense, rationally, that the King of Kings would come into this world to be scorned, hated, battered, bruised, humiliated- crucified. And yet, in this, we find all that we know be True. Therefore, in that, I will place all of my trust.

All that I have and all that I am.

"All roads lead to Rome." I found that out the hard way...but out of that phrase, that journey, where my life has lead me since, I have discovered that all roads, every Tuscan dirt thoroughfare, every Florentine highway, lead directly to Rome. Rome is at the center of it all; it is the core. And my life, every struggle, every triumph, every dirty rest stop in which the stalls quietly sit begging for toilet paper, calls me Home. How I get there, I leave to You, my God and my King, because all I can do is HOPE.

Summertime, and the livin' is easy...

2007-08-06T18:26:00.000-07:00

Summer is a time of relaxation- a time to unwind. This summer I did just that! Here is a photo journey through this summer.

Yay, Kev!! Who painted that coooool poster, huh??

Fun at the Colorado "beach"

Welcome, Hada Mae!!

New casa! Oh yes, I am on vacation every day!

Dancing with the Queen...in Breck.

Cherry Creek Arts Fest!

My second favorite city...

Bear attack! Oh, don't worry, I won:

"Pull my...uh, tail" You'll never guess what that crazy buff did!:

"Homer! Your arm!!" Crazy hooligans pullin' shananigans at the movie theater:

Harry, you'll always be my numero dos- so amazing!! More later:

Jamtastic's nuptials:

Lessons learned:

I cannot believe that the time has gone by so quickly.

I hope to be able to post more from this amazing summer in the sun later!

the Laborers are few...

2007-08-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

New York...Labor Day! I cannot wait...however, I cannot find a cheap plane ticket to save my life. Way to go ladies who bought their tickets long before I did. I commend you!

Grrr...I am open to any ideas!

In Him, with Him, and through Him

2007-08-05T22:03:00.000-07:00

Brothers and sisters:
If you were raised with Christ, seek what is above,
where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.
Think of what is above, not of what is on earth.
For you have died,
and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
When Christ your life appears,
then you too will appear with him in glory.

Put to death, then, the parts of you that are earthly:
immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire,
and the greed that is idolatry.
Stop lying to one another,
since you have taken off the old self with its practices
and have put on the new self,
which is being renewed, for knowledge,
in the image of its creator.
Here there is not Greek and Jew,
circumcision and uncircumcision,
barbarian, Scythian, slave, free;
but Christ is all and in all.

Col 3:1-5, 9-11

Help us to lead the lives that You call us to lead. Thank you for Your word, and thank you for showing us Your Glory and Your Truth in and through it.

To live on the Earth and not of it- that is my prayer.

An Ode

2007-08-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

To the penguins who will remain in my heart

I love my job.

Last year at this time I walked into a classroom, knees shaking, waiting to encounter the little lives who would show me the meaning of vocation. I met them. Seventeen eight year-olds, ready to embark upon a third-grade journey that I will not soon forget.

I cannot imagine my classroom without their smiling faces; this is the struggle. You only get to invest in them for one year, and then they move-on. A harsh reality for a first-year teacher, but one that also fills me with joy.

Go get 'em fourth graders!

Spicy!

2007-08-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

I have always said that it is so much easier to type rather than write something in longhand. Thus, I give you this blog. I have found, in reading the blogs of others, that this is a unique way in which to chronicle life. My life, your life...and all the life in between. I think I will do just that.

Therefore, I give you: The Spice of Life.